The things parents say!
The things parents say!
This activity is about what you say and the impact it may have on your child’s career decision.
It’s been said that parenting is the most difficult job, and the most important responsibility, you will ever have in your life. Advice giving is part and parcel of the job. Of course you may not think your child always listens! You might be surprised to know that although they are influenced by what people their own age say, research suggests that this mainly applies to decisions about the near future – when to come home at night, what to wear, and so on.
However, when young people are asked about the importance of the sort of future they want, their ideas match their parents’ ideas more closely than those of their friends.
So whether you like it or not, your child will look to you for advice and direction.
Maybe you’ve said this (or something similar)? Click on the statement for advice from Careers Scotland.
"No son/daughter of mine is going to do that!"
"Your school report shows you are good at chemistry. What about a career using this?"
"Stay on at school and get qualifications. That’s what employers look for these days."
"I was always good at secretarial studies at school. I wish I’d done that as a job."
"It’s all about computers nowadays. You’ll always find work there."
"I don’t mind what you do as long as you are happy."
"It’s your life ….. just don’t make the same mistakes as me!"
"I’ll put in a word for you at my work."
"You can do better than that surely?!"
"I was never any good at that at school."
"In my day we didn’t have the same choices as you have now."
"What do you think you learnt on work experience?"
"Make an appointment with the Careers Adviser. He’ll tell you what to do."
"Where there’s muck, there’s brass!"
"Why not go for nursing? That’s a good job for a girl."
"I’ll come with you to the Careers Scotland Centre, but only if you want me to."
"You’ll never get a job if you don’t get your act together!"
"No son/daughter of mine is going to do that!"
It may be difficult to accept, but it is your child’s decision. What are the reasons for your objection and are you sure of your facts? You may be surprised at what you find out. Look together at up-to-date information on what your child is considering and compare it with what they want and can offer. This will help justify to you (and others) its suitability. For help, look at the Find out about your chosen job or course section on our web site, visit your Careers Scotland Centre or call us on 0845 8 502 502 (local call rate)
"Your school report shows you are good at chemistry. What about a career using this?"
Encouraging your child to look at their strengths is a good starting point as often they struggle to recognise their own abilities. Why not list them together?
"Stay on at school and get qualifications. That’s what employers look for these days."
Qualifications are only a part of what employers look for. Have a look on our web site at Developing skills for work and Job trends for more details. Remember, many employers offer work-based training leading to qualifications, plus a wage! Your Careers Scotland Centre can advise you on what’s available locally.
"I was always good at secretarial studies at school. I wish I’d done that as a job."
Maybe you do wish you could turn the clock back, but things have moved on. Nowadays you would be studying Administration or Business Management! Whose decision is it anyway? For some, using their best school subject as a basis for a career makes sense, others have different interests they want to focus on. How important will an interest in a particular school subject be to your child’s choice of career? What else do they want and have to offer?
"It’s all about computers nowadays. You’ll always find work there."
Is this true? The workplace may have changed a lot since you left school, but remember it will keep on changing and we all have to continue to learn and change with it. It’s important to get accurate information.
You can keep up to date by checking out Job trends on our web site and information about learning opportunities at learndirect scotland.
"I don’t mind what you do as long as you are happy."
It’s reassuring for your child and important to show that you care and know that it’s their decision. Equally, how confident are you that they can make an effective decision? Knowing how to plan can be very reassuring. For details, look at Which career?
"It’s your life …just don’t make the same mistakes as me!"
The danger is that it’s sometimes easier to avoid making a decision altogether through worrying about making the wrong one! For help in how to approach career decision making look at Career advice.
"I’ll put in a word for you at my work."
Parents, relatives and friends can be useful sources of job opportunities. It’s important that your child also considers possibilities they may not already know about. For information on a wider source of options look at CareersMatch Scotland
"You can do better than that surely?!"
Maybe so, but what exactly do you mean by "better", and can your child justify their choice? Ask why they feel that this is a suitable choice and work out for yourself what you mean by "better".
"I was never any good at that at school."
Maybe so, but it’s not your ability that is being discussed! What evidence is there of your child’s ability?
"In my day we didn’t have the same choices as you have now."
Do you feel this is a good thing or a bad thing? The wider the choice, the more you owe it to yourself to make a good decision. You can help by looking together at Which career?
"What do you think you learnt on work experience?"
It’s always good to encourage a young person to think about themselves, for themselves. It may be that you have noticed a change as a result of this experience and it’s helpful to feed this back.
"Make an appointment with the Careers Adviser. He’ll tell you what to do."
No he won’t! A Careers Adviser will help your child to learn how to plan, but making and carrying out the decision(s) will always be their responsibility.
"Where there’s muck, there’s brass!"
Do parents still say this! Throwaway remarks can stick, whether they are true or not. For accurate information on the labour market today look at our Job trends section.
"Why not go for nursing? That’s a good job for a girl."
Do you want your daughter to limit her options to "traditional" areas of employment? Encourage her to consider all the possibilities open to her. These days, there are no such things as "boys’ jobs" and "girls’ jobs". For information on equal opportunities and employment look at Positive career choice.
"I’ll come with you to the Careers Scotland Centre, but only if you want me to."
Encouraging independence is important. Perhaps you could still be involved by helping to prepare some questions before the visit and later talking through what was discussed?
"You’ll never get a job if you don’t get your act together!"
No-one ever said parenting was easy! Research has shown however that a young person’s self esteem in particular is likely to be affected by the style of parenting adopted. Positive self esteem is vital if they are to take personal responsibility – perhaps for the first time – for their own decisions. Maybe something is stopping your child from taking responsibility. Have a look at Sounds familiar? for possible reasons as to why this might be so.
